Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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