too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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