She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize