I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think your dad took our porno
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
