Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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