what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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