Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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