I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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