But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
