she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
