Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
