He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
