dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
false alarm. still invincible.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
