Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
