so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
