i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
