was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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