Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Randomize
