Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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