I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
