nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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