I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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