I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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