she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
