we're blogging at a bar
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
