I think im going to throw up on grandma
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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