his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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