There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
