A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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