Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
