I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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