Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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