Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
