I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize