Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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