I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
