I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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