just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
