if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
