we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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