So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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