saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize