i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
