Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
