When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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