Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
