$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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