sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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