Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize