i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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