is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize