Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
