Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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