He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
