Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
