life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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