don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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