she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
