My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
