I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
