Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
