I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Also, beer. Big fan.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize