Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
